Guilt of a Working Mom

I'm sure I'm not the only working mother who feels guilty each time she spents time at work which equates to less time with her child. I can never get over this feeling. Yet I know that nothing much can be done other than trying as much as I can to leave my workplace on time to pick Princess up from childcare. The older she gets, the guiltier I feel coz I know she's at the stage where she would like her parents to be there for her all the time.

Before I had Princess, I was a workaholic. After I gave birth to her, I was still a workaholic. But now that she knows how to speak and how to express her feelings, I just want to stay home with her and watch her grow. I'm afraid to miss anything for fear of regrets. Whenever I'm working, I feel guilty for leaving her at the childcare centre (though I know she's in good hands).

At times, she tells me not to work. My heart sinks whenever I hear that but I have to put a strong front as I do not want her to feel what I'm feeling. So I will tell her that I need to work to provide her with food, milk and diapers. Note that I did not say "toys" here as I heard from Princess's teacher that once a parent told her child that and the child replied that he doesn't want any toys. Therefore I only name the necessities - things that she cannot go without for now, at least. She will then understand; or probably knows that there is no way that I can stop working; and be resigned to the fact that she has to attend school. She will then say, "Later mommy will come" - to pick her up that is.

I've been thinking of what I can do to work lesser hours or work from home but so far there's nothing I can come up with. I know I am very good with my current career and that is the safety net. I also enjoy my work thus making it more difficult for me to try out something new. *sigh*

Anyway, 2nd princess (the one in my tummy) is now 33 wks old. Oh did I mention I fell down at my workplace the other day? Fell down the steps and landed on my knees. I was so shocked, I almost cried. No one was around to assist so I had to get up on my own. Then I went to the washroom to check for bleeding. Luckily there were no bleeding and baby was moving. I realise that for this pregnancy I'm constantly tired. At times, the baby shifts a certain position and I have difficulty walking.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd baby but this is my fourth pregnancy due to 2 miscarriages. Well, I'll share that story another day.

I'm seeing my gynae next week so I will have to check with her whether this is normal. Need her to check whether I might have an early delivery with this one. I certainly hope not although friends have been saying that I look ready to burst.

Well, we'll see what gynae has to say.