38th wk, 2cm dilated and still no show

I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling. I'm 2cm dilated for 2 wks already and still have not given birth. I think the baby is getting too comfortable in the tummy. I really don't want to be induced as Princess was induced. I want to go through the natural flow of things this time round. I gave birth to Princess at 38 weeks.

I was feeling contractions quite frequently last week. But now, I'm not getting much contractions and in fact, I've been sleeping quite well these past 3 days. Oh, but when getting up from being seated...I can feel the backache. I've put on 14kg!!! With Princess, I put on 12kg. I really hope to give birth soon. It's weird coz I actually feel happy whenever I get cramps...haha

Princess is down with mild fever and cough. She just recovered from her cough and 2 days later, gets it again. Poor girl. I know she feels uncomfortable especially when she's asleep. Fortunately her fever is not that high. I really hope she recovers soon. She's at home with me today. Her school is closed for today. Even if it's opened, I wouldn't send her to school as she's not feeling well. Will send her when she's better.

Guilt of a Working Mom

I'm sure I'm not the only working mother who feels guilty each time she spents time at work which equates to less time with her child. I can never get over this feeling. Yet I know that nothing much can be done other than trying as much as I can to leave my workplace on time to pick Princess up from childcare. The older she gets, the guiltier I feel coz I know she's at the stage where she would like her parents to be there for her all the time.

Before I had Princess, I was a workaholic. After I gave birth to her, I was still a workaholic. But now that she knows how to speak and how to express her feelings, I just want to stay home with her and watch her grow. I'm afraid to miss anything for fear of regrets. Whenever I'm working, I feel guilty for leaving her at the childcare centre (though I know she's in good hands).

At times, she tells me not to work. My heart sinks whenever I hear that but I have to put a strong front as I do not want her to feel what I'm feeling. So I will tell her that I need to work to provide her with food, milk and diapers. Note that I did not say "toys" here as I heard from Princess's teacher that once a parent told her child that and the child replied that he doesn't want any toys. Therefore I only name the necessities - things that she cannot go without for now, at least. She will then understand; or probably knows that there is no way that I can stop working; and be resigned to the fact that she has to attend school. She will then say, "Later mommy will come" - to pick her up that is.

I've been thinking of what I can do to work lesser hours or work from home but so far there's nothing I can come up with. I know I am very good with my current career and that is the safety net. I also enjoy my work thus making it more difficult for me to try out something new. *sigh*

Anyway, 2nd princess (the one in my tummy) is now 33 wks old. Oh did I mention I fell down at my workplace the other day? Fell down the steps and landed on my knees. I was so shocked, I almost cried. No one was around to assist so I had to get up on my own. Then I went to the washroom to check for bleeding. Luckily there were no bleeding and baby was moving. I realise that for this pregnancy I'm constantly tired. At times, the baby shifts a certain position and I have difficulty walking.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd baby but this is my fourth pregnancy due to 2 miscarriages. Well, I'll share that story another day.

I'm seeing my gynae next week so I will have to check with her whether this is normal. Need her to check whether I might have an early delivery with this one. I certainly hope not although friends have been saying that I look ready to burst.

Well, we'll see what gynae has to say.

New Buys!

* The silly me accidentally deleted my blog, thus having to set up the blog again and re-posting my previously saved entry. Duh!

So happy today as I’ve just received the toddleREAD/WRITE/COUNT set via home delivery. Makes me all excited to teach Princess since she’s already learning it in school. Just would like to supplement her learning and make learning as fun and enjoyable as possible. Missing her right now as she is still in school. Going to fetch her later.

Baby’s growing well inside me. Kicking and turning. Probably doing somersaults. I do feel a little concerned with this pregnancy as I feel that the baby is lower in my womb than Princess was when she was 32 weeks in my tummy. I really hope that this baby doesn’t come out early. It’s not time yet.

I’m preparing Princess towards receiving her sister. Princess is at a difficult stage right now – the terrible two stage - Oh but I love her so! She wants to be carried and wants to get her way all the time. It’s easier to control when hubby is not around. She’s daddy’s girl and she knows that she gets away with everything when daddy’s around. Sometimes I pity hubby. I know he’s tired.

I’m always so tired nowadays. I get breathless at times. Counting down the days to maternity leave.