2nd miscarriage

I really wanted to conceive again and after the 1st miscarriage, I bought a pregnancy test kit every month to test for pregnancy. I was checking every single time I missed my period for a day. I was getting my period every month but my cycle was sometimes 28 days and sometimes 30 days.

1st Nov 2006 - I found out that I was pregnant with my 2nd child. This time round, I was so careful. I walked slowly. I ate everything right. Avoided cold drinks. I had my own gynae and she prescribed hormone pills to strengthen the pregnancy. I took it religiously.

6 weeks passed and the baby was still there. I was so happy. No bleeding. Things were going on fine.

13 Dec 2006 - I went for my 11th week appointment and a scan was done. There was no fetal heartbeat detected. The scan showed that the foetus stopped growing at 9 weeks. The foetus had been dead in my womb for 2 weeks. How could I not have known that. I then started to recall that there was one day when I woke up from my sleep and felt as if I had lost something but I did not know what it was. Then I also remembered that my breast didn't feel sore anymore. Those were the signs I've missed.

I cried when my gynae told me that my baby had passed away in my womb. My gynae then. Dr Judy Wong (nice lady) gave me some time to grieve. When I finally gathered myself, I asked her what I should do next. She told me that I could wait for a natural miscarriage to occur or go for evacuation of the uterus. However, the first option has its risks in that it might not occur and there could be an infection. I decided for the latter as the foetus had already been dead in my womb for 2 weeks and I do not want an infection to set in.

The next day, I went for a day surgery. It was a sad procedure as I was on my own. Hubby was not allowed to enter. I remember them inserting a pill to soften the uterus. Thereafter I was in so much pain and was bleeding. I told the nurse about it and I could barely walk. The nurse then wheeled me into the operating theatre. I was then given anaesthetic and was knocked out completely.

When I woke up, I was out of the OT and covered with a thermal blanket. The nurses gave me a hot milo to drink. About an hour later, I was out of there.

The day after the day surgery, I went to Batam to shop. This time round, I did not take any herbs and such. I guess, I was just tired from the emotional rollercoaster ride. I did not want any sympathy. I just wanted to appear strong for everyone around me...

The 1st miscarriage

Before I had Princess. I suffered from two miscarriages. It was hard going through all that and I was uncertain whether I could have a child.

My husband and I tied the knot in 2005. On the last day of 2005, I found out that I was pregnant. Hubby and I were estatic.
17 Jan 2006 - I had bleeding. I was in my workplace. I remembered that I was in the toilet, shocked to see the blood. When I left the cubicle, a colleague asked me what was wrong and I told her that I was 6 weeks pregnant and bleeding. She calmly told me to go to KKH 24hr Women's Clinic.

I called hubby and he was in the east (I was in the west). I told him that I would meet him straight at KKH. I called my mum and she was with my aunt and they were around the area of my workplace. So they picked me up and sent me to KKH.

The gynae did a scan and the baby was still there but I was bleeding quite heavily and had to be warded. I was told that it was a threatened miscarriage. I was given a hormone injection on my thigh to strengthen the pregnancy. Thereafter, I could see clots of blood coming out.

The next day, I had to go for another scan and the gynae told me that there is a possibility that the foetus had come out as I was bleeding heavily with clots. True enough, the scan showed that there was no fetal cardiac activity.

I didn't cry when I heard that. But when I called my mum, I started crying. Suddenly the loss seemed real. I was scheduled for a d&c as the were afraid that my body might not have cleared all the clots. I was given a week medical leave.

The worst part was going back to work and having to tell people that I lost the baby. People wanted to comfort me by saying that I was young and could always try again. I know that they were being nice but it didn't make me feel any better. I knew I was young but it does not mean that I have to go through all that.

Worst of all, there were people who kept on asking me what I did that contributed to the miscarriage. Even MIL asked me that. Why ask me what I did??? Of course I would not have done anything to sabotage my pregnancy! I remembered telling hubby at one point that I was so pissed with people asking me that question and that if the next person comes and asks me that then I was going to say that I jumped, danced and skipped around!

Then came the next part where people started to talk about my womb and my body. "Oh, maybe my womb wasn't strong enough." It only made things worst for me emotionally. It made me wonder whether there was anything wrong with me.

I took some post natal herbs as advised by my grandmother so as to strengthen my body. I smiled, laughed and pretended I was fine though deep inside I was still hoping for a baby. Hubby and I tried again and again for a child.

8 Sept 2006 - was the day my 1st child was supposed to be born. The day came. I remembered crying my eyes out. I was still not pregnant by then.

I remembered going visiting and my husband's aunt said, "When are you guys going to have a kid, so-and-so got married after you and they already have a child." That was so insensitive coz she knew about my miscarriage. A child is not something we can just buy off the shelf.

I wanted a kid. I was just not blessed with one yet...