Before I had Princess. I suffered from two miscarriages. It was hard going through all that and I was uncertain whether I could have a child.
My husband and I tied the knot in 2005. On the last day of 2005, I found out that I was pregnant. Hubby and I were estatic.
17 Jan 2006 - I had bleeding. I was in my workplace. I remembered that I was in the toilet, shocked to see the blood. When I left the cubicle, a colleague asked me what was wrong and I told her that I was 6 weeks pregnant and bleeding. She calmly told me to go to KKH 24hr Women's Clinic.
I called hubby and he was in the east (I was in the west). I told him that I would meet him straight at KKH. I called my mum and she was with my aunt and they were around the area of my workplace. So they picked me up and sent me to KKH.
The gynae did a scan and the baby was still there but I was bleeding quite heavily and had to be warded. I was told that it was a threatened miscarriage. I was given a hormone injection on my thigh to strengthen the pregnancy. Thereafter, I could see clots of blood coming out.
The next day, I had to go for another scan and the gynae told me that there is a possibility that the foetus had come out as I was bleeding heavily with clots. True enough, the scan showed that there was no fetal cardiac activity.
I didn't cry when I heard that. But when I called my mum, I started crying. Suddenly the loss seemed real. I was scheduled for a d&c as the were afraid that my body might not have cleared all the clots. I was given a week medical leave.
The worst part was going back to work and having to tell people that I lost the baby. People wanted to comfort me by saying that I was young and could always try again. I know that they were being nice but it didn't make me feel any better. I knew I was young but it does not mean that I have to go through all that.
Worst of all, there were people who kept on asking me what I did that contributed to the miscarriage. Even MIL asked me that. Why ask me what I did??? Of course I would not have done anything to sabotage my pregnancy! I remembered telling hubby at one point that I was so pissed with people asking me that question and that if the next person comes and asks me that then I was going to say that I jumped, danced and skipped around!
Then came the next part where people started to talk about my womb and my body. "Oh, maybe my womb wasn't strong enough." It only made things worst for me emotionally. It made me wonder whether there was anything wrong with me.
I took some post natal herbs as advised by my grandmother so as to strengthen my body. I smiled, laughed and pretended I was fine though deep inside I was still hoping for a baby. Hubby and I tried again and again for a child.
8 Sept 2006 - was the day my 1st child was supposed to be born. The day came. I remembered crying my eyes out. I was still not pregnant by then.
I remembered going visiting and my husband's aunt said, "When are you guys going to have a kid, so-and-so got married after you and they already have a child." That was so insensitive coz she knew about my miscarriage. A child is not something we can just buy off the shelf.
I wanted a kid. I was just not blessed with one yet...
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2 comments:
You are a strong Mummy to have overcome the obstacles. My obgyn friend told me (when I was still single) that miscarriage is nature's way of removing non-viable pregnancies. When I became pregnant, I really appreciated what he said. Books also told me that a significant percentage of pregnancies are not carried to term. Every day that the foetus grew was a bonus to me.
Now, every day that my boy grows is a bonus to me. Life is full of separation, so let us all treasure each day with our loved ones.
I was also told the same thing by the gynae. The foetus would abort itself if it is not developing normally. Thus the miscarriage. But at that point of time it was hard to come to terms with. I've overcome that period of depression. With loads of help and encouragement of course :)
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