A Letter To My Girls - Part 1

Dear Princess,

When I first laid eyes on you, you were a fragile tiny being. I looked at you and whispered into your ear, "Tiny one, this is mummy." You opened your eyes slightly as if saying, "I know, mom." Or so I like to believe.

Even though I had been talking to you and singing to you the whole nine months you were in my womb, addressing myself as Mummy to you sounded so foreign. I knew I wanted you but I was scared that I could not love you as much as you would have wanted me too. You were afterall, new to me. I worry that I had to get to know you to love you.

But you, you made it easy for me to love. How could I not love you? You feel so right in my arms. Your smell, your smile, your touch are all heavenly blissful to me. My worries were unfounded.

I remembered when I first brought you home, I kept staring at you when you were asleep. I could not leave you alone not even for a second. At night, I could not sleep for fear that I might not see you again. Each time I'll wake up and check your breathing to make sure that you are still there. In the day, I would just stare and look at you sleep and check your breathing again and again for fear of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Was it post-natal depression? I seriously do not know. All I know was that I wanted you so much and have learnt to love you as a part of me. Your granny had to pull me away from you and reassure me that it would alright to leave you to sleep.

As you grow, you are the light of mummy and daddy's life. Your laughter, your smile, your hug, I can never live without. Hearing you call me "Mammy" for the first time touched my heart deeply. Hearing you first say, "I love you, Mummy," was another episode that will stay etched in my mind. Your hug is like a drug I have to feed on every day.

But my darling, Mummy has this fear. I fear that one day, you'll forget to hug me. I fear that one day, you'll no longer want to say "I love you, Mummy." I fear that one day, you'll hate me for not allowing you to do the things you might want to do.

And when that day comes, even if I tell you that I forbid because I love you, your teenage heart and mind might not choose to believe.

But sweetheart, do know that I have your best interests at heart. Do believe that Mummy loves you whole-heartedly.

Should the day I fear come, I hope that opportunity arises for you to read this letter. Because I love you, my daughter and you will always be there in my heart. I promise you.

Love,
Your Mummy