I really wanted to conceive again and after the 1st miscarriage, I bought a pregnancy test kit every month to test for pregnancy. I was checking every single time I missed my period for a day. I was getting my period every month but my cycle was sometimes 28 days and sometimes 30 days.
1st Nov 2006 - I found out that I was pregnant with my 2nd child. This time round, I was so careful. I walked slowly. I ate everything right. Avoided cold drinks. I had my own gynae and she prescribed hormone pills to strengthen the pregnancy. I took it religiously.
6 weeks passed and the baby was still there. I was so happy. No bleeding. Things were going on fine.
13 Dec 2006 - I went for my 11th week appointment and a scan was done. There was no fetal heartbeat detected. The scan showed that the foetus stopped growing at 9 weeks. The foetus had been dead in my womb for 2 weeks. How could I not have known that. I then started to recall that there was one day when I woke up from my sleep and felt as if I had lost something but I did not know what it was. Then I also remembered that my breast didn't feel sore anymore. Those were the signs I've missed.
I cried when my gynae told me that my baby had passed away in my womb. My gynae then. Dr Judy Wong (nice lady) gave me some time to grieve. When I finally gathered myself, I asked her what I should do next. She told me that I could wait for a natural miscarriage to occur or go for evacuation of the uterus. However, the first option has its risks in that it might not occur and there could be an infection. I decided for the latter as the foetus had already been dead in my womb for 2 weeks and I do not want an infection to set in.
The next day, I went for a day surgery. It was a sad procedure as I was on my own. Hubby was not allowed to enter. I remember them inserting a pill to soften the uterus. Thereafter I was in so much pain and was bleeding. I told the nurse about it and I could barely walk. The nurse then wheeled me into the operating theatre. I was then given anaesthetic and was knocked out completely.
When I woke up, I was out of the OT and covered with a thermal blanket. The nurses gave me a hot milo to drink. About an hour later, I was out of there.
The day after the day surgery, I went to Batam to shop. This time round, I did not take any herbs and such. I guess, I was just tired from the emotional rollercoaster ride. I did not want any sympathy. I just wanted to appear strong for everyone around me...
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The 1st miscarriage
Before I had Princess. I suffered from two miscarriages. It was hard going through all that and I was uncertain whether I could have a child.
My husband and I tied the knot in 2005. On the last day of 2005, I found out that I was pregnant. Hubby and I were estatic.
17 Jan 2006 - I had bleeding. I was in my workplace. I remembered that I was in the toilet, shocked to see the blood. When I left the cubicle, a colleague asked me what was wrong and I told her that I was 6 weeks pregnant and bleeding. She calmly told me to go to KKH 24hr Women's Clinic.
I called hubby and he was in the east (I was in the west). I told him that I would meet him straight at KKH. I called my mum and she was with my aunt and they were around the area of my workplace. So they picked me up and sent me to KKH.
The gynae did a scan and the baby was still there but I was bleeding quite heavily and had to be warded. I was told that it was a threatened miscarriage. I was given a hormone injection on my thigh to strengthen the pregnancy. Thereafter, I could see clots of blood coming out.
The next day, I had to go for another scan and the gynae told me that there is a possibility that the foetus had come out as I was bleeding heavily with clots. True enough, the scan showed that there was no fetal cardiac activity.
I didn't cry when I heard that. But when I called my mum, I started crying. Suddenly the loss seemed real. I was scheduled for a d&c as the were afraid that my body might not have cleared all the clots. I was given a week medical leave.
The worst part was going back to work and having to tell people that I lost the baby. People wanted to comfort me by saying that I was young and could always try again. I know that they were being nice but it didn't make me feel any better. I knew I was young but it does not mean that I have to go through all that.
Worst of all, there were people who kept on asking me what I did that contributed to the miscarriage. Even MIL asked me that. Why ask me what I did??? Of course I would not have done anything to sabotage my pregnancy! I remembered telling hubby at one point that I was so pissed with people asking me that question and that if the next person comes and asks me that then I was going to say that I jumped, danced and skipped around!
Then came the next part where people started to talk about my womb and my body. "Oh, maybe my womb wasn't strong enough." It only made things worst for me emotionally. It made me wonder whether there was anything wrong with me.
I took some post natal herbs as advised by my grandmother so as to strengthen my body. I smiled, laughed and pretended I was fine though deep inside I was still hoping for a baby. Hubby and I tried again and again for a child.
8 Sept 2006 - was the day my 1st child was supposed to be born. The day came. I remembered crying my eyes out. I was still not pregnant by then.
I remembered going visiting and my husband's aunt said, "When are you guys going to have a kid, so-and-so got married after you and they already have a child." That was so insensitive coz she knew about my miscarriage. A child is not something we can just buy off the shelf.
I wanted a kid. I was just not blessed with one yet...
My husband and I tied the knot in 2005. On the last day of 2005, I found out that I was pregnant. Hubby and I were estatic.
17 Jan 2006 - I had bleeding. I was in my workplace. I remembered that I was in the toilet, shocked to see the blood. When I left the cubicle, a colleague asked me what was wrong and I told her that I was 6 weeks pregnant and bleeding. She calmly told me to go to KKH 24hr Women's Clinic.
I called hubby and he was in the east (I was in the west). I told him that I would meet him straight at KKH. I called my mum and she was with my aunt and they were around the area of my workplace. So they picked me up and sent me to KKH.
The gynae did a scan and the baby was still there but I was bleeding quite heavily and had to be warded. I was told that it was a threatened miscarriage. I was given a hormone injection on my thigh to strengthen the pregnancy. Thereafter, I could see clots of blood coming out.
The next day, I had to go for another scan and the gynae told me that there is a possibility that the foetus had come out as I was bleeding heavily with clots. True enough, the scan showed that there was no fetal cardiac activity.
I didn't cry when I heard that. But when I called my mum, I started crying. Suddenly the loss seemed real. I was scheduled for a d&c as the were afraid that my body might not have cleared all the clots. I was given a week medical leave.
The worst part was going back to work and having to tell people that I lost the baby. People wanted to comfort me by saying that I was young and could always try again. I know that they were being nice but it didn't make me feel any better. I knew I was young but it does not mean that I have to go through all that.
Worst of all, there were people who kept on asking me what I did that contributed to the miscarriage. Even MIL asked me that. Why ask me what I did??? Of course I would not have done anything to sabotage my pregnancy! I remembered telling hubby at one point that I was so pissed with people asking me that question and that if the next person comes and asks me that then I was going to say that I jumped, danced and skipped around!
Then came the next part where people started to talk about my womb and my body. "Oh, maybe my womb wasn't strong enough." It only made things worst for me emotionally. It made me wonder whether there was anything wrong with me.
I took some post natal herbs as advised by my grandmother so as to strengthen my body. I smiled, laughed and pretended I was fine though deep inside I was still hoping for a baby. Hubby and I tried again and again for a child.
8 Sept 2006 - was the day my 1st child was supposed to be born. The day came. I remembered crying my eyes out. I was still not pregnant by then.
I remembered going visiting and my husband's aunt said, "When are you guys going to have a kid, so-and-so got married after you and they already have a child." That was so insensitive coz she knew about my miscarriage. A child is not something we can just buy off the shelf.
I wanted a kid. I was just not blessed with one yet...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Baby Boy or Baby Girl
The issue of the gender of babies goes a long way back. In some cultures, they believe that having a boy will carry on the family line. Some people also believe that it is important to have a balance of boys and girls in the family.
You see, I'm blessed with 2 girls. And I am so glad that I have 2 girls. But somehow, people assume that I might be secretly wishing for a boy. And they are only being nice when they say "It's ok, your next one will be a boy" or "Try for a boy next time round."
Well, here's the big secret: I'm not hoping or wishing for a boy. Not that I have anything against boys. I grew up being the only girl. I had two elder brothers. It's great having brothers. They look out for you and no one dares bully you. But I've always wanted a sister. I wanted someone to share clothes with and share thoughts with. Go shopping together. You don't get these with brothers. So after I had Princess, I really hoped for another girl. Just so that Princess gets to experience sisterhood; one that I never get to experience.
But after having two girls, I'm very comfortable with girls. In fact, if I do want another one, I want a girl again. Not that I'm planning for one. The fact is, the issue of who to take care of the child will come up again. And also, after almost giving birth to Baby in the car, I'm afraid that for the next one, I might give birth in the car or at home!
People don't understand why I do not want a boy. They think I'm hiding behind this lie so as to mask my disappointment of not having a boy. So, I've come up with some reasons why I do not want a boy.
1) I'm very comfortable with girls.
2) I can doll up my girls but not a boy.
3) Reason no. 3 is actually the main reason why I do not want a boy now. It's coz, if I have a boy, then the boy would be lonely as he would be the only boy with 2 elder sisters. Then I would have to try for no. 4 and hope for a boy again. And if I don't have a boy, I would have to try again for no. 5. Coz I would feel guilty for the boy as he would feel what I felt when I was young.
Ok, you might say that I'm thinking too much. Maybe I am. But I just want to be fair for my kids and I want them to be happy. I've tried telling people these reasons but of course, no one believes me. So nowadays, when someone tells me that hopefully my next one will be a boy, I just look at them and smile.
Coz I know, I'm not trying for baby no. 3 anytime soon. The shop is closed...
You see, I'm blessed with 2 girls. And I am so glad that I have 2 girls. But somehow, people assume that I might be secretly wishing for a boy. And they are only being nice when they say "It's ok, your next one will be a boy" or "Try for a boy next time round."
Well, here's the big secret: I'm not hoping or wishing for a boy. Not that I have anything against boys. I grew up being the only girl. I had two elder brothers. It's great having brothers. They look out for you and no one dares bully you. But I've always wanted a sister. I wanted someone to share clothes with and share thoughts with. Go shopping together. You don't get these with brothers. So after I had Princess, I really hoped for another girl. Just so that Princess gets to experience sisterhood; one that I never get to experience.
But after having two girls, I'm very comfortable with girls. In fact, if I do want another one, I want a girl again. Not that I'm planning for one. The fact is, the issue of who to take care of the child will come up again. And also, after almost giving birth to Baby in the car, I'm afraid that for the next one, I might give birth in the car or at home!
People don't understand why I do not want a boy. They think I'm hiding behind this lie so as to mask my disappointment of not having a boy. So, I've come up with some reasons why I do not want a boy.
1) I'm very comfortable with girls.
2) I can doll up my girls but not a boy.
3) Reason no. 3 is actually the main reason why I do not want a boy now. It's coz, if I have a boy, then the boy would be lonely as he would be the only boy with 2 elder sisters. Then I would have to try for no. 4 and hope for a boy again. And if I don't have a boy, I would have to try again for no. 5. Coz I would feel guilty for the boy as he would feel what I felt when I was young.
Ok, you might say that I'm thinking too much. Maybe I am. But I just want to be fair for my kids and I want them to be happy. I've tried telling people these reasons but of course, no one believes me. So nowadays, when someone tells me that hopefully my next one will be a boy, I just look at them and smile.
Coz I know, I'm not trying for baby no. 3 anytime soon. The shop is closed...
Time's Up
Days pass by really quickly nowadays. Baby is coming to 1.5mths old. My maternity leave is drawing to close soon. But the more time I spend with my girls, the less excited I feel about going back to work.
I'm 90% sure that I will extend my leave by taking unpaid leave. The 10% that's holding me back is the fact that if I take unpaid leave, I will have to rely on my savings to cover my expenses for the months I'm not working. I know I have to work or earn money somewhere to cover the expenses but I seriously do not know where to start. There's no one to look after Baby if I return to work.
I read somewhere that worries can kill your milk supply but I'm trying hard to be upbeat about things right now.
I'm 90% sure that I will extend my leave by taking unpaid leave. The 10% that's holding me back is the fact that if I take unpaid leave, I will have to rely on my savings to cover my expenses for the months I'm not working. I know I have to work or earn money somewhere to cover the expenses but I seriously do not know where to start. There's no one to look after Baby if I return to work.
I read somewhere that worries can kill your milk supply but I'm trying hard to be upbeat about things right now.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Meeting Pro-breastfeeding People
We had a family function over at Mom's place yesterday. Got to meet my new little nephew. Last saw him when I gave birth at the hospital. He is so good-looking. He's got dimples and long eyelashes. He's quite tall too. We put him and Baby next to each other. Baby is slightly bigger of course, since she is a full-term baby and nephew was born premature. But he's getting on quite well.
I had a chance to meet people from the extended family who are pro-breastfeeding. It was fun as we were exchanging notes. They made it seem like breastfeeding is a natural thing to do - which of course it is supposed to be. It was so fun. I was never close to them before but having something in common made everything so much easier. Really want to meet up with them again.
I had a chance to meet people from the extended family who are pro-breastfeeding. It was fun as we were exchanging notes. They made it seem like breastfeeding is a natural thing to do - which of course it is supposed to be. It was so fun. I was never close to them before but having something in common made everything so much easier. Really want to meet up with them again.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Baby Having THE Flu
Urrgghh! Now baby has the flu. Well, according to the PD, baby caught the runny nose first and passed it to Princess who then also developed cough and then Princess probably passed the cough virus to Baby thus now Baby has cough and runny nose. But no fever, thank God.]
It is so sad looking at such a small baby coughing away. I hope she recovers soon. It is especially tiring for me. Now I set reminders to remind me what time to feed who their medication. I feel like I'm falling sick myself but I've got to stay strong for my girls.
I'm so tired. I'm still trying to get used to being a mom of two. It's tough finding time to spend with Princess at times as when we are having fun, Baby wants milk. But Princess has been really understanding. She loves her sister, always kissing her. Calling me to carry her sister whenever Baby is crying.
I love MY GIRLS!!
It is so sad looking at such a small baby coughing away. I hope she recovers soon. It is especially tiring for me. Now I set reminders to remind me what time to feed who their medication. I feel like I'm falling sick myself but I've got to stay strong for my girls.
I'm so tired. I'm still trying to get used to being a mom of two. It's tough finding time to spend with Princess at times as when we are having fun, Baby wants milk. But Princess has been really understanding. She loves her sister, always kissing her. Calling me to carry her sister whenever Baby is crying.
I love MY GIRLS!!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
On Bronchitis & Breastfeeding
I brought Princess to see a pediatrician on Tuesday as any mother would be worried if told that their child has moderate bronchitis and might need to be sent to KKH.
The PD took one look and said that Princess looks active for someone with moderate bronchitis. She then asked me whether Princess was given inhaler/nebuliser when we took her to the GP. We replied she wasn't. Then the PD asked whether she was wheezing when she was at the GP. Again, we replied she wasn't. PD then proceeded to examine Princess. PD then said Princess does not have moderate bronchitis. If any, it appears that she might be having early signs of bronchitis and we shouldn't be too worried. PD also changed the cough mixture since she said Princess had lots of phlegm. This PD that we went to was the one that we always took Princess to before she turned 2.
I was very disappointed with the GP. Actually, when we took Princess to the GP, the tone that I got from the GP was one that was very cold. Like as if he doesn't care much for kids. I bet he does not have any children. He is a total opposite of his colleague (the one we always see). His colleague, Dr Chong, is very fatherly, handles kids well and explains things clearly to us. I know that Dr Chong has a daughter as he once shared with us that he understood how we felt as parents as he is a parent himself. Unfortunately, Dr Chong is not a full-time GP at the clinic and it so happened that the day when we took Princess there, Dr Chong was not around.
Hubby said that he will never again patronize the clinic again. Actually he said this right after Princess had her check-up with the GP as hubby felt that the doctor on duty was very unprofessional.
I'm kind of glad that what Princess has is not as serious as what the GP said but we are still monitoring her and giving her medication as required. So far her fever has broken.
Now on the topic of breastfeeding. Haiz... As I've said, I'm very pro-breastfeeding now since I breastfeed my Baby exclusively. I have nothing against those who give formula to their child coz for Princess, I did that too.
The PD took one look and said that Princess looks active for someone with moderate bronchitis. She then asked me whether Princess was given inhaler/nebuliser when we took her to the GP. We replied she wasn't. Then the PD asked whether she was wheezing when she was at the GP. Again, we replied she wasn't. PD then proceeded to examine Princess. PD then said Princess does not have moderate bronchitis. If any, it appears that she might be having early signs of bronchitis and we shouldn't be too worried. PD also changed the cough mixture since she said Princess had lots of phlegm. This PD that we went to was the one that we always took Princess to before she turned 2.
I was very disappointed with the GP. Actually, when we took Princess to the GP, the tone that I got from the GP was one that was very cold. Like as if he doesn't care much for kids. I bet he does not have any children. He is a total opposite of his colleague (the one we always see). His colleague, Dr Chong, is very fatherly, handles kids well and explains things clearly to us. I know that Dr Chong has a daughter as he once shared with us that he understood how we felt as parents as he is a parent himself. Unfortunately, Dr Chong is not a full-time GP at the clinic and it so happened that the day when we took Princess there, Dr Chong was not around.
Hubby said that he will never again patronize the clinic again. Actually he said this right after Princess had her check-up with the GP as hubby felt that the doctor on duty was very unprofessional.
I'm kind of glad that what Princess has is not as serious as what the GP said but we are still monitoring her and giving her medication as required. So far her fever has broken.
Now on the topic of breastfeeding. Haiz... As I've said, I'm very pro-breastfeeding now since I breastfeed my Baby exclusively. I have nothing against those who give formula to their child coz for Princess, I did that too.
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